My Beast My Vincent
by Christine Mae
Summary: Based from CW's Beauty and the Beast 2012 series. Catherine's perspective after Vincent was captured by the unknown.
1. Part 1

What if's. I have lots and I hate to enumerate.

It used to be one major regret. The death of my mother. And now that Vincent's gone, that makes it two. It feels like I am going through my second death.

If only that stupid vanity mirror was on its place and I hadn't called mom. She could have been alive. But after learning from Vincent that M has been tracking her since Afghanistan and that I had nothing to do with her death. Somehow, it's a relief.

This time though, with Vincent taken away by M or who the hell those people are, it is absolutely and undeniably my fault.

Yes, I was saved by a beast but...

What if I never met my beast after ten years.  
What if he never followed me after he saved me.  
What if I didn't go back to the warehouse.  
What if I left him alone after the first case that got us back together.  
What if I followed JT's advice and stayed away from Vincent.  
What if they left New York knowing that I'm a cop.  
What if...

But I never been happier and loved since I met him. My beast. My Vincent.

It was crazy actually. Funny. It took us a long time to finally get on to this roller coaster relationship. I dunno what connection we have but there is just this big, strong pull that no matter how we avoid each other, it pulls us together.

There was once that I even gave up. It was after my birthday, I think. He pushed me away saying that I cannot be in my life since he has nothing to offer me because of the situation he is into. That he is not a normal guy and therefore he cannot be with me. So, fine. I think I tried my best at that time to get closer to him, to know him better. I even tried building a complicated relationship or friendship with him. Thanks to the cases that we worked with which is of good use for us to work together. And because of this unexplainable pull between us under any circumstances, we were somehow on the right track.

Until, Alex Salter came. She was his fiancee. It was a horrible experience. You know me. I don't spill my emotions just like that. I don't fall in love. But with Vincent... I even told him I wanna be with him! Me crazy. huh?! And guess what? He chose Alex! He said he didn't. He just think he can have his normal life back with her. Isn't it the same as choosing her? So, this is the second time I gave up. As what he said, he and Alex shared 6 years and an entire childhood. I can't compete with that! We had what, 12 months?!

I guess it is true that you will realize the importance of something or someone when they are gone. I guess that's what happened because we finally found the courage to take the risk to be in this relationship. And, oh! That was an epic first kiss. :D

How will you feel if someone you love the most, you protected for the past year and make sure you keep him safe as much as he wants the same to me is now gone. Taken and no idea where he is. I don't know how I feel actually. I feel numb. I got nothing left to cry. I am broken.

I love him. I love Vincent. I will not take all these risks just to protect him if I don't love him. We've been though a lot. Just like I told him, if we're together, we can overcome anything. I will not give him up. I will protect this love we have.

You know how stubborn I am. I know I will be in danger but I don't care. Having you in my life is a danger from the start. One thing is for sure. I will find you. I won't give up. I'll do everything that I can. We will not end this way. Just like this. I will find you, Vincent. I love you.


	2. Part 2

I had a long day. Spent it by resolving an abusive marital relationship that ended to a murder of the husband. After an intense investigation, we closed the case as self defense. It feels good to be of help especially to women who are mistreated and taken advantage.

Seeing my mom gunned down in front of me is one of the reason why I enrolled myself to martial arts, to defend myself. I don't want to feel helpless anymore. I can still clearly remember that night where all I can do is cry and plead them not to shoot me. Luckily, Vincent got my back and saved me.

Speaking of… It's been what, a month already and we are still picking up the pieces to the puzzle. Yes, we. I, JT and Tess. We have no idea where Vincent is. Who took him? Was it Muirfield? Did they get what they wanted? Did they killed him? God, please, no. How could I think of that.

"How long have you been home? Have you had dinner?" It was Heather. She may not be a fan of Vincent but she is worried sick about me. "You no longer have time to eat with me. You confined yourself for too long in this room. Cat, I know, I understand… " Please. I don't need another lecture. "I'm fine, Heath. Trust me." A 3 minute deafening silence. "I'm just here, Cat. I still live here. Just so you know."

Mood swings. Mood issues ever since the night they took Vincent. I talk less. I always find myself staring into space. Dumbfounded. Thinking of what could I have done for this not to happen. I was helpless again. I couldn't used what I have learned in martial arts class. They held him in a huge net. I want to fire a shot but something tells me not to. All I did was cry. Just like ten years ago.

What Heather hates the most is that me, sitting on the chair facing the window and stuck in my own thoughts. The window where Vincent used to stay while waiting for me. The fire escape. We had several memories on there. Good and bad. And I am on that chair right now. Staring at the window sill. Hoping that a tall, handsome guy with a beautiful smile will appear. Where are you? I miss you so much.

**Lemme know your thoughts. :)))**

**~ Christine**


	3. Part 3

I found myself sitting on my bed in my dark room. My heart beats so fast. My nerves are shaking. Sweat all over my face. I immediately turned to my right. No sign of him. Just an open window. The night breeze moved the dark curtains at the open window. I stood up and close the bare window. I didn't dare to peek outside. I know he is not there. I feel a lump on my throat. Eyes a bit burning. I went to the kitchen for some water to calm myself.

I stand on the kitchen counter facing the living room. A cold glass of water somehow helped. I closed my eyes and I see his handsome face and beautiful smile. No words. Just smiling. Tears started to fill my eyes and when I open it, I can see him coming out from a window in the living room. Walking towards me. That was the time when he came over after we let Alex leave New York, for good. The time our first kiss suppose to happen before Heather interrupted us. I let go of a sigh. Then to my left, I can see him again on the laundry area taking off his clothes and putting them on the machine. I walked towards him and we started kissing and planning on what to do on that lazy day. That was the time Tess came over for a "girl time" and interrupted Vincent and I making out.

I smiled then I sobbed and realized I am crouching on the kitchen floor hugging myself. I am on my breaking point. it hurts so bad I couldn't explain how much. My heart feels like it is about to collapse. I am not just crying. I am whimpering in pain. I broke down.

I can hear myself weeping and making sad sounds and felt two arms embracing me from my side. I knew it was Heather and I can hear her sobbed. "Cat, come on. Couch now. Please. Can you please tell me what really happened? Did he broke up with you? Why are you torturing yourself like this? I mean, this not your first heartbreak." I don't want to move. I want to stay where I am. I want to be alone. "Please, Cat. You have been cutting me out. I have been patient and been trying to understand what you're going through but I cannot bear seeing you like this. Please. I'm here. Let me understand you." I took a deep breath and stood up and sat on the couch. Heather gave me another glass of water. "Are you now ready to tell me?" I gave her a blank stare. She understood because she helped me get up and brought me back to my room. Heather set my pillows and blankets but I went back to my favorite spot and sat on the chair facing the window. Unsatisfied, I stood up and open it and sat back again on that chair. "I'm just on the next room, Cat." Heather said before I heard my own doors closed. I embraced myself and shed tears for the nth time.

**Reviews anyone? :)))**


	4. Part 4

Before going to work, I decided to visit my dad in the hospital. Dad has been in a coma for a month or so. Hit and run. Tess still in charge in finding who it was but I know it was Muirfield. The same people who took Vincent away. Muirfield must have really hated me. First, they killed my mom a decade ago. Second, they did this to my dad and the next day, they captured Vincent. Why my dad though? What does he have to do with Muirfield? I know he knows mom used to work for them but I don't think he's involved with them too or is he?

"Any progress on his condition?" I asked a doctor who was checking dad's EEG. "Well, based from the MRI and CT scans we did, results are good. No damage to the brain tissue but we are still monitoring his brain activity using this machine for any other infections. So, I can say your dad is in a stable condition and we are looking forward for a recovery sooner." I squeezed my eyes shut and relieved by the results. Thank God. "Thank you, doctor. Thank you for taking care of my dad.'' She smiled. "That's what I do. I'll leave you here." I nodded.

Dad looked different. He looks even more older. _I'm so sorry, dad if you got involved with this mess. You're not supposed to be here. Hang on, dad. We'll get through this._ I kissed the back of his hand and left for work.

"Any lead on dad's case?" I asked Tess when I arrived at the precinct. "Can I ask 'how are you?' first?" I halted and took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry, Tess. It's just..." I didn't continue. I'm sure she knows what I'm about to say. "Heather called me and she's really freaking out, Cat." Oh, poor Heather. "I know but I just can't tell her everything. About Vincent, about Muir... I'm trying to protect everyone but it's just getting worse. I don't want her to be the next. Sorry if she's bothering you, Tess. I'll find something that I can excuse my behavior."

"Cat, I feel the same way Heather does. Look at you! You lost your weight, Cat and try to put some concealer under your eyes. Your bags don't look good on you." She turned her back from me and walked away. Really? I can't believe she just did that! "Tess, wait!" but she never looked back. I am so fucked up.

Tess had not spoken a single word to me the whole day. I didn't know what to say either. We worked on a case of a missing girl at a nursery school in Flushing. We talked but work related. We weren't able to solve the case yet. Early today, A father drove her daughter to school and went to work. By past 9AM, he received a call from her teacher asking if his kid is sick or what happened because she didn't show up in class. We also questioned some teachers and head of the school. Security was a big reason, too since the nursery is just a small school where parents can come and go. We consider family issues as well since the parents were divorce and the mother of the missing girl had not been in contact with them for years. I thought of how the father of the missing child coping up. It's as difficult as anyone losing a family especially a 6-year-old daughter.

I went home with a heavy heart. Today is just heartbreaking. Tess and I... Heather... the case we are working with... I don't know what else to do. There is another situation I need to deal with. One more person I have tried to reconcile with... JT.

Seems like everybody left me.

**Reviews? :)))**


	5. Part 5

JT is the definition of a true friend. He can be mean and unfriendly sometimes but that is his way of showing his affection for us. And truly, he took care of us pretty well. He had been there for Vincent from way back childhood. So, I cannot blame him if... We don't hate each other. Well, I don't have the right to be. I hope he does not hate me either. We are just sort of indifferent since we lost Vincent. We became estranged for this reason and it added up to my list of frustrations. I hope he will talk to me soon.

* * *

It's my off today so I decided to take a running break. It might help me clear my mind. It's 10AM. Central Park is a good place for a run at this hour. Just 20 minutes of jogging and I was already tired. Not good for a cop. I badly needed to work out.

I dropped by Kaffe Tribeca for a Caramel Macchiato. Caffeine runs through my veins. I stared at the logo of the coffee shop printed on the cup. Another memento of Vincent. It was mom's death anniversary when I woke up and saw him waiting for me on the window sill with a cup of coffee on his hand. I took a sip and I know this was the same coffee Vincent brought me that day. Oh, Vincent, help me find you.

"...well, that is highly debatable." A familiar voice. I looked around the shop and I saw him. It has been two months. "...we need a proposition to enlighten the board the positive repercussion of this experiment and at the..." He stopped his discussion when he saw me standing 5 meters away from their table. I cannot move from where I stand. I no longer know how to approach him. For two months, I reached out for him. Phone calls, Emails and even go to their sanctuary but he shut me off. I expected comfort from him, that we'll comfort each other but in his eyes, I am to blame.

I gathered my courage and walked towards their table. "Hi, JT. Can we... talk?" He glared at me. "So, we will gonna start working on this next week then." Referring to his two friends who stood up and left us. "What do you wanna talk about, Miss Chandler?" he asked and I sat across him. "How are you, JT?" That's all I could think of. "Seriously? You really wanna ask that?" No words came out my mouth. "Goodbye, Catherine." was the last thing JT said and left me frozen.

* * *

"Cat, how was your morning jog?" Heather came out from her room and I was getting water in the fridge. "It was okay. Are you going somewhere?" She was wearing make-up and putting on her earrings. "Yeah... Lunch with friends. I am so sorry, big sis. I have to leave you." She hugged me and grabbed her bag. "No, its fine. I'll be here." I assured her. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I love you."

I finished my water and went to my room. I laid on my bed for a while. My phone rang and hoped it was JT. It was not but happy to see the name Tess blinking on the screen.

"Any plans today?" I smiled when Tess asked."Not I could think of. I just got home from a run."  
"That's good. Hey, would you like to have lunch at your place? I'll bring take outs."  
Oh, Tess. "Chinese?" I suggested.  
"You bet. See you!" She hanged up and I went for a shower.

* * *

Have I been selfish for being obsessed in finding my Vincent? Tess have always been a good friend to me just like JT to Vincent. I know how much she hates me when I am so consumed by my thoughts and actions because of him. But I still thank her for not leaving my side, for helping me cope up with everything going on with my fucked up life.

* * *

**Thank you again for reading. :)))**


	6. Part 6

If there is someone who will be greatly affected by all of this, it's JT. I know where he is coming from. I understand his treatment towards me. I really do. It's just… painful to accept that the person you expected to lean on hates you. I thought we can work together in finding Vincent. Wishful thinking.

I never showed my pain and emotions to anyone. Not even to Heather. Considering what we went through when mom died, I wanted to show my family and friends that I am strong enough to face the world despite of guilt that I was once the reason my mother was gone.

But when I opened the door and saw Tess smiling at me with such love and concern, I broke down. I hugged her and cried. What did Vincent do to me? He made me feel vulnerable.

Lunch was a little quiet. Tess and I talked about the unresolved case about the girl who was kidnapped last week. Also, the car that intentionally hit my dad was unregistered. Every angle was just difficult as hopeless.

I grabbed a bottle of beer after meal. "Thanks for bringing me this." I tossed the beer in the air and Tess gave me a worried face. Yeah, I've been drinking a lot lately. Caffeine and Alcohol. Cheers!

Oh, I forgot to tell her. "I talked to JT today." I smiled as I said that eagerly. "Really? That's good! Howas it? Are we all good now?" I laughed as her worried face turned into all smiles and excitement. "Well, he said _'what do you wanna talk about, Miss Chandler?'"_ I responded mimicking JT's voice. "Oh! Also he said. _'Goodbye, Catherine.'_ And left me tongue-tied!" I was laughing while I said that but tears were filling my eyes. "There was nothing funny about what happened, Cat." Tess' worried face came back. "Who says it was?!" I raised my voice and I cried and laughed at the same time. Have I gone crazy? "I'm so sorry. I am so alone. I don't know what else to do." I sunk back on the chair and Tess stood up for a comfort hug. "Thank you, Tess. Thank you for being here today." She didn't respond but she hugged me tighter.

* * *

"Cat? Are you here?" I woke up by Heather's voice looking for me. "Tess texted me she… was… here… today… " Why was she talking that way? Heather was holding the door knob and at first she looked at me then to the floor. Oh! Beer bottles. "What are you doing, Cat? You look horrible." I got up from bed and smiled. "Hey, it's not what you think. Yes, Tess was here. We had lunch and some beer. See?" I showed her the bottles. "Okay… That's good…" I led her to the kitchen and got myself a glass of water. "So, how is your day?" I gladly asked trying to sound cheerful for her to forget the scene in my room earlier. "It was fine. I enjoyed… Cat, I won't ask if you are okay because I know you're not… But I'm asking how can I help, Cat?" That question made my heart crushed. Oh… her eyes so full of sadness. "Heather… I…" I couldn't tell her about Vincent. I won't. "You can tell Tess what's going on but to me, you can't? I would like to remind you… I'm. Your. Sister!" Uh-oh. She was mad. "I know I was never been nice to Vincent but with what you are doing… keeping it from me… it makes me hate him!" I was dumbstruck by my sister's action. "… If you can't tell me about what happened between you and Vincent, fine! I won't also tell you what happened on the day dad was brought to the hospital! It's way more important than your break up with Vincent! Way too far!" Heather's door slammed shut. What happened?

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Have a good weekend! :)))**


End file.
